Kinetic Trouble

on Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Every guy worth his salt has one.

Lord Vishnu has his trusty Garuda. Those Indian rulers always had a noble horse or elephant or some such animal. And I had my trusty Kinetic Honda Red Color.

We recently retired it. With great reluctance, after my brother threatened to walk out of the house if we dint buy him a vehicle which people dint snigger at as he drove .

We still have it btw. Mom refuses to sell it, for old memories sake. Mom has an elephant’s memory. So you know how my house looks like sometimes.

I have left it unlocked and parked outside our neighbor’s house so that somebody can steal it away if they want to.

This kinetic comes back to haunt me very often. Even after I bought this recently. Recent case in point.

Scene outside my house

Me: So this is my new Hunk….suits my personality eh?

Hot girl whom I am trying to impress: Whatever...…look at that Kinetic. So cute…isn’t that the one you used to ride in? Please sit on it on drive around and let me see how cute you lookie wookie…

Me: (Breaking the handle of the Kinetic surreptiously) What Kinetic? Look it doesn’t have a handle.

Five minutes later I was trying to balance with one hand on the Kinetic, grinning foolishly like an ape.

So you get the picture.

This vehicle was passed on to me by an uncle who decided that people had laughed at him enough and it was time someone else got some.

I used the vehicle all through school and college .Yes ,even when I put on a wee bit of weight while in graduation I still traveled by it, butt draped carefully on either side of the seat.

It proved to be the undoing of my social life. After much persuasion I would convince a girl that I was not a serial killer and would she come on a date with me. Yeah ok. Taj Krishna and I would pay.

One look at the Kinetic and she would give a start of alarm.
Me: (Pointing at the broken silencer) Look. I have rocket boosters installed.

Girl: Get away

Me: Auto? Public Bus? What fun eh?

Girl: Loser…

And she would go out with Ugly guy who had the silver convertible.

I’ve ridden the bike to college which was a good 25 kilometers away.

One day the silencer decided to give up when I was on my way back from college.

Stuffed large wads of cotton into my ear and decided to move on. I had underestimated the gravity of the situation.

In the middle of a busy street I suddenly got the feeling that I was being watched. I woke from my reverie with a start and realized that two hundred people, four dogs, three crows and a cat were looking at me with various degrees of hostility.

Thank god for the cotton. At least I never heard what the fuming Sardar ji was saying. It sounded like Gehen Phod. Wonder what that means?

It was not all bad. I took a pretty classmate to school once on the Kinetic. Separated by two feet of distance but nevertheless sharing the same seat.

And waited eagerly for the rumors to start in college which such activities usually generate. For good measure scribbled “Preeti loves Sri “on the walls of the Restroom to help the rumor spread like wildfire.

Absolutely nothing happened. Damn it. If I had driven her to college in a big Bike, the story might have turned out differently.

This happened last week before we decided we had enough.

I was stopped by traffic policemen.

Policeman: License?

Me: Er...Sorry.

Policeman: 500 rupees

Me: Hee..Hee ..Haw ..Haw….Hee….

Policeman : I shall have to confiscate the bike.
Me: Rolling on the ground now in laughter. Please….For heavens sake.. Hee hee

Policeman: Er….50 rupees?

Me: Take 10, my good man.

Policeman: Thank you, kind sir.
That was the beginning of the end. Adeiu Red Lady.


Revathi said...

ha ha ha ha!! hilarious!! :).
//For good measure scribbled “Preeti loves Sri “on the walls of the Restroom to help the rumor spread like wildfire.
Didnt achieve the desired effect what??? ;) ROFL!! :D
BTW, are u a fan of wodehouse?

Srinath S said...

thanks revathi..

i wish the scribbling on the wall had some effect...
some joker had scribbled"yeah..right" below it.

i like wodehouse yeah..:)obvious from the style of writing i guess

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Deepa said...

Brilliant!! I loved the part where you describe how some hundreds of people, cows and dogs were looking at you LOL ROTFL! Also, the part about what the sardar must have said was a superb stroke!! Reading your comic posts cheers me up:)

>>Jass<< said...

hilarious post!

//This vehicle was passed on to me by an uncle who decided that people had laughed at him enough and it was time someone else got some.

Reminds me of my ol' kinetic! Took it to school and even first year of college. Looks like i have company :P