Posts
Disclaimer: Funny post .No offence to anyone.
My neighbor was having a conversation with my Mom the other day. This is how it went. The words in the brackets indicate what was passing through my mind when I heard her talk.
My neighbor was having a conversation with my Mom the other day. This is how it went. The words in the brackets indicate what was passing through my mind when I heard her talk.
Neighbor: So, when are you marrying off your eldest son? (Ok, she did catch me checking out her daughter with my mouth open the other day. Little did she know it was astonishment and not lust.)
Mom: Err…I dunno.
Neighbor: You must marry him off soon. He is a big boy now. He must be getting restless. (What am I? A dog in heat?)
Mom: That’s why we let him watch FTV. (Poor joke Mom. BTW nobody watches FTV anymore when we want to err... expand our education. That was before the revolution called the internet.)
Neighbor: So is it going to be “Love Marriage” or “Arranged Marriage”? He is such a good boy that I am sure he will marry whichever girl his mother gets for him. (Good boy? I don’t understand this. I will obviously be on my best behavior in front of her. Even if I were a pot smoking, gun wielding ,lusty womanizer I would not give her a smack on the bottom and say” Whose your Daddy”. Obviously I would be discreet. Right? These people never get it.)
Mom: I have no clue. It will happen when he wants to.
Neighbor: I had an “Arranged Love Marriage”. It was so romantic. We went to Ooty for our honeymoon and … (I did not hear the rest because I was puking in the wash Basin)
Mom: / Trying to suppress retching sounds herself/
Neighbor: I have told my daughter to have a Love marriage only. We are extremely modern people you know. I have only told her some simple conditions. No Muslim, No Christian, No Non Brahmin, Tamilian, Non smoker, Non Drinker, Good looking, well educated, earning a six figure income, with a US Green card. (I wondered if she realized that even her husband dint qualify on many of those filters. Besides, her daughter can’t go about asking for the Gothram on the first date can she now? )
Mom: No, we don’t insist on anything. Not even the sex of the person he brings home.(I really should not have taken her to watch Dostana)
Neighbor: /Faints. After reviving/ Cheee. I am sure you dint mean it yaar. What is all this silly joking around? One day your son will really...Rama Rama. (No she was not repeating my Mom’s name twice. She was invoking higher authorities. For all the uninitiated –My moms name is Rama .Not “Raa-Ma” but “Ra-Ma”.)
Neighbor: Btw, where did your son do his MBA?
Mom: *******.
Neighbor: /Gives a oh my god what is this college-where on earth is it-Is is really not in the US kind of look/ My son wants to do his MBA from abroad. He is studying all day long in his room. (That’s what you think).He has applied to /names an obscure college in a big American city ranked 456 out of 500 US Colleges/
Neighbor: Your son works in an IT Company right?
Mom: Yes.
Neighbor: Has he gone onsite to US at least? (Why can’t I hit her on the head now.Mom, Pleeeease)
Mom: No.
Neighbor: My cousin brother has gone twice to UK, four Times to US and once to China also. Is your son...Poor guy…Sniff…is he on bench? ( I have no idea where these middle aged Tamil aunties pick up IT Lingo)
Mom: /Getting Desperate now/
I walked up to her and whispered in her ear.
Mom: Well… it is like this… my son has been looking at your daughter since some days now and…we were thinking…he also is not getting any girl himself…
We never saw her again in our house.
P.S: (I just realized, that doesn’t say too much about my eligibility does it)
Mom: Err…I dunno.
Neighbor: You must marry him off soon. He is a big boy now. He must be getting restless. (What am I? A dog in heat?)
Mom: That’s why we let him watch FTV. (Poor joke Mom. BTW nobody watches FTV anymore when we want to err... expand our education. That was before the revolution called the internet.)
Neighbor: So is it going to be “Love Marriage” or “Arranged Marriage”? He is such a good boy that I am sure he will marry whichever girl his mother gets for him. (Good boy? I don’t understand this. I will obviously be on my best behavior in front of her. Even if I were a pot smoking, gun wielding ,lusty womanizer I would not give her a smack on the bottom and say” Whose your Daddy”. Obviously I would be discreet. Right? These people never get it.)
Mom: I have no clue. It will happen when he wants to.
Neighbor: I had an “Arranged Love Marriage”. It was so romantic. We went to Ooty for our honeymoon and … (I did not hear the rest because I was puking in the wash Basin)
Mom: / Trying to suppress retching sounds herself/
Neighbor: I have told my daughter to have a Love marriage only. We are extremely modern people you know. I have only told her some simple conditions. No Muslim, No Christian, No Non Brahmin, Tamilian, Non smoker, Non Drinker, Good looking, well educated, earning a six figure income, with a US Green card. (I wondered if she realized that even her husband dint qualify on many of those filters. Besides, her daughter can’t go about asking for the Gothram on the first date can she now? )
Mom: No, we don’t insist on anything. Not even the sex of the person he brings home.(I really should not have taken her to watch Dostana)
Neighbor: /Faints. After reviving/ Cheee. I am sure you dint mean it yaar. What is all this silly joking around? One day your son will really...Rama Rama. (No she was not repeating my Mom’s name twice. She was invoking higher authorities. For all the uninitiated –My moms name is Rama .Not “Raa-Ma” but “Ra-Ma”.)
Neighbor: Btw, where did your son do his MBA?
Mom: *******.
Neighbor: /Gives a oh my god what is this college-where on earth is it-Is is really not in the US kind of look/ My son wants to do his MBA from abroad. He is studying all day long in his room. (That’s what you think).He has applied to /names an obscure college in a big American city ranked 456 out of 500 US Colleges/
Neighbor: Your son works in an IT Company right?
Mom: Yes.
Neighbor: Has he gone onsite to US at least? (Why can’t I hit her on the head now.Mom, Pleeeease)
Mom: No.
Neighbor: My cousin brother has gone twice to UK, four Times to US and once to China also. Is your son...Poor guy…Sniff…is he on bench? ( I have no idea where these middle aged Tamil aunties pick up IT Lingo)
Mom: /Getting Desperate now/
I walked up to her and whispered in her ear.
Mom: Well… it is like this… my son has been looking at your daughter since some days now and…we were thinking…he also is not getting any girl himself…
We never saw her again in our house.
P.S: (I just realized, that doesn’t say too much about my eligibility does it)