An open letter to all aunties traveling in public buses!!!

on Tuesday, October 09, 2007

ATTENTION: The following post is entirely in jest.What i have writtem is not to be taken seriously.
(Dear)Respected Aunties,
I am not disputing the fact that you once put the Hema Malinis’ of the world to shame. However that was about half a million years ago. This letter is to strongly bring to your notice that we, the young innocent men aged 20-25 who travel in the public buses of our city do not intend to tease/leer/molest you at all. We would rather French kiss a Walrus. So next time our hand accidentally brushes your hand or we fall against you when the bus gives a sudden brake, kindly desist with the hurt and outraged look of an innocent 16 year old. What you are imagining as the red lusty look on our faces is merely the pain when our elbow accidentally collided with your hipbone.
It is bad enough when all Bollywood /Tam/Gult movies portray us as maniacs who are waiting for the slightest chance to bump against nubile young girls. That’s true enough. We are like that. But the operative words here are young and nubile. We even nod our heads in agreement when you try to pull your young daughters away from our nasty leering eyes. But pray pause a moment when you pull yourself away. We solemnly promise you that the jasmine in your hair or the kanchivaram sari you wear is not exactly what we fantasize about.
When we decide to sit next to you in the bus, it is merely because of our paining legs after a hard days work. Though your decision of putting half your body outside the bus though the window so that we don’t brush against you accidentally certainly gives us a lot of space to sit comfortably, it pains us. We worry that a passing pole would accidentally knock you back against us and you would die of a coronary thrombosis of the heart. In this world where space is a luxury, we worry about the distance between us on the seat which would be enough to seat two elephants and a hippo.
We also confess that when we were in our early teens and our hormones were out of control we did watch the occasional Shakeela movie when the Jenna Jamieson video was out of stock. But we are well past that stage now. It merely scares us witless when we watch them now. From Meena and Nagma we have now graduated to Scarlet Johansson and Katie Holmes. Our tastes have refined as we have become men of this world. So my dear Aunties, unless you have teenage daughters, you have nothing ever to be scared from us.
I know that you read lurid paperbacks about macho heroes who rescue their heroines from impossible situations. One look at your pot bellied Brahmin husband and you feel like throwing the novel at him. So you try to imagine romance and intrigue where none exists. We are entirely in sympathy. Our wives would probably face the same thing in 20 years time. But in the meantime, when we still have ample hair on the head and only the beginnings of a potbelly (which we can hide under a shirt of the right fit), please let us go about our business of attracting the PYTs in peace. When we are surreptitiously trying to touch the hand of the sweet young thing in the public bus, if our feet actually stamps your feet, please desist from calling for the cops.
Yours (lovingly) respectfully ,
Young Men Bus Travel Association


Sunil Deepak said...

Hilarious, enjoyable!

Hari said...

:) Funny and well written!

flying death said...

Awesome post dude.
Me too very sick of the ladies i dont give a damn about and who get furious if sm1 accidently touch them.

C'mon urnt the one we'd like to induldge with.

Gr8 post dude.

Deepa said...

kindly change ur foto its too stretched!!!!!!!

Balaji said...


Srinath S said...

@ sunil and Hari: Thanks

@ flying death : Methinks Jessica Alba..wat abt u?

@ deepa:That is to merely conceal the inherent chubbiness in a streched foto..

@ balaji: :) to u too...

maxdavinci said...

hehe very nice read!

Srinath S said...

@maxdavinci thanks dude:)

alekhya said...

3 mnths of working in chennai and travellin in buses made me agree more to ur post than i normally wud have done.
also one notable,extremely important detail,you missed was that,those jasmine flowers on the head,are at least a week old each,and they positively stink more than the freshet of H2S samples.