The Taj times

on Wednesday, August 01, 2007


Headlines



  • The government of India today awarded citizens who cast the maximum votes for the Taj with deluxe holidays for 4 days and 3 nights at the Taj Mahal. The top prize winner was however caught trying to exchange his gift for a second hand microwave oven.

  • A mysterious fight broke out between Mr. Manmohan Singh and Mrs. Sonia Gandhi today. Our reporters interviewed Mrs. Gandhi "I am a true Indian. Even though I eat pizza 4 times a day and my Hindi accent sucks, please don't think otherwise. When that sardar insisted that the Taj Mahal was better than the Colosseum I had to teach him a lesson. Mera Bharat Mahan."

  • The mysterious disappearances of women all over the country were finally solved. The women are committing suicide by burying themselves. In a emotionally moving letter mirroring millions of other letters, Mrs. Taj Begum (Name changed on request) begged her husband to build a monument in her name so that her soul can rest in peace

  • Bill Clinton famously once said" The world is divided into people who have seen the Taj and people who have not ".He today admitted he was wrong. He said it should have been" The world is divided into people who have SMSed for the Taj and the people who have not."

    Economic

  • The share price of Bharti Airtel has zoomed to Rs.6700 per share. In an entirely unrelated incident, after consultation with a numerologist Mr. Sunil Mittal has now changed his name to Sunil Mittaj.

  • The tourism revenues have quadrupled this quarter because of the tremendous response from the people of different nationalities who throng the Taj Mahal daily. The breakup was
    Tourists from Agra-96%
    Rest of India -3%
    Foreigners- -1%

    Our reporter caught up with Mr. Lal who lived 100 meters away from the Taj Mahal. "It is my first visit" he said" I wanted to know what I had voted for"

    Entertainment


  • In a startling twist, months after actress Bipasha Basu exclaimed"Oh my god, it's the Taj Mahal" after the inclusion of the monument of Love in the final list, her personal love life has dipped alarmingly.

  • A red faced Abhishek Bachan refused to confirm rumors that he had married Aishwaria Rai after his family conducted an SMS contest to decide the bride. An unrelated report from the telecom department showed that Salman Khan and Vivek Oberoi had unusually high phone bills that month.
    .

    Sports

  • The Indian Cricket team now leads the ICC cricket rankings. All the other teams had 200 points subtracted because an enquiry revealed that no other team had any monument in the new 7 wonders list. Ian Chappel remarked morosely "I asked my government to nominate my brother Greg for the competition. But they went with the opera house and see what happened?"

  • Saurav Ganguly took over as the captain of the Indian team after it was shockingly revealed by our reporter that Dravid had voted three times lesser than the Bengal Tiger for the Taj Mahal. Our reporter caught up with him . "Taj Mahal is the pride of Bengal "he said. When reminded that the Taj was not in Bengal, he threateningly swung his shirt over his head.

  • Greg Chappel leaked an email to the press which highlighted how it was the fault of Saurav Ganguly that the opera house could not make it to the final list. "He is not a team player. When I was captain of Australia the Taj was barely known" he complained